Keep Going Back

Five years ago, my granddaughter Charlotte was just three years old. She was spending a February afternoon at my house. We were “doing a craft,” which we both love to do. As we created some paper Valentines, I asked, “Did you go to school today?” (At the time she was attending a faith-based preschool.)

 Charlotte said, “Yes.”
 I asked, “Did you learn anything?”
 Her answer: “No.”
 “Really?” I continued. “Are you sure?  Did you learn about the alphabet?”
 “No.”
 “Well, did you learn how to count?”
 “No.”
 “So, tell me.  What do you do in school?” I persisted.
 “I learn about Jesus,” Charlotte said, as she continued to color a paper Valentine.
 “Oh?! Great!  Tell me, what do you learn about Jesus?”
 “I don’t remember,” she said.
 Charlotte paused, and then said, “But, I keep going back …”

And as I reflected on Charlotte’s comment, I also remembered that her sister Abby likes me to read and reread the same story to her --- over and over again.  And their brother Nicklaus looks for the same toys --- Matchbox cars --- when he comes to my house, and plays with them happily … again and again.

I realized, gee, maybe these kids have already figured out that to “keep going back” is the key to a lot of things in life.

Calvin Coolidge said, "Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”

But leave it to the kids to make it clear. You just gotta keep going back.

There’s something nice about that old familiarity …

Keep going back to the same favorite meal because it’s delicious and gives you comfort.
Keep going back to the same house that welcomes you because it’s home.
Keep going back to spend time with the same friends and family because they know you all too well and yet they love you anyway.

When you keep going back, you find out a lot about someone or something. You find out who or what needs help, and you do the right thing by helping to make things better. You find out what problems need to be solved and figure out ways to solve them.

Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

You gotta keep going back to develop the habit of excellence.

And yet, you can’t find out what works for you consistently without trial and error. You can keep going back to those same comforting things, but at some point, you might find they don’t work so well anymore. Maybe your habits need some change or updating.

Our granddaughter Abby recently explained to me that “I used to like chicken fingers at Wendy’s but I don’t anymore. Even with ketchup.”

I’m sure you’ve heard that “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,” a quote attributed to Albert Einstein.  It doesn’t make sense to keep going back if the results are not what you want. 

So, keep what works. Discard what doesn’t.

On February 16, 2018, I became a widow --- or, as I prefer to call it, a WWPD --- Woman Whose Partner Died. My husband of 38 ½ years died suddenly of a massive heart attack. Every February, I keep going back, as I relive those awful moments when I realized my husband was gone forever. Recalling those moments can stop me in my tracks, paralyzing me with a wave of grief. It’s important to revisit my grief, acknowledge it, and let myself cry. 

But then, I also keep going back to those moments that made me laugh, and made me so grateful that I was able to share so many years with a wonderful, funny, and generous man.

And I keep going back to what I’ve learned in seven years. I’ve learned that I can, indeed, make a life of my own, one that is certainly different from what I expected, but one that is still filled with wonder and expectations of good things in my future. I can carry on with a life worth living, of one that I will look back on, years from now, with a smile.