My NEW New Year Resolution
What does February bring?
I live in Pittsburgh. Needless to say, February brings weather that sucks for most, if not all, of those 28 days. (Especially this year; 2025 has been absolutely frigid!)
It’s the perfect time to get away.
Seven years ago, that’s precisely what my husband and I were doing --- packing for a trip to the beach.
The night before we were supposed to leave, Tim collapsed with a massive heart attack and died instantly. It was shortly after midnight on February 16, 2018.
If you’ve ever lost someone close to you to death, you may have experienced the separation that their “death date” does to your history. Did you discover that, after your loved one’s death, you remember all things in terms of when they happened --- before that date or after that date?
February 16 is now that pivotal moment for me. It’s when everything changed. I now think in terms of all life events being before or after the night of February 16, 2018. In my mind, I have a “before February 16 life” and an “after February 16 life.”
Every February 16, the events of that fateful night come crashing back into my memory, with heart wrenching pain and anguish over “if only” things had happened another way.
But February 16 is also my new January 1.
After I get a grip on myself, I reflect on the past year and the coming year. It’s the time when I think about how far I’ve come since the night that changed everything.
Shortly after Tim died, I began writing my thoughts about this experience of becoming a woman whose partner died, or, as I like to call it, a WWPD. Those loosely connected thoughts became chapters, and then eventually morphed into a manuscript. Five years later, that manuscript became a book, called Grab Life by the Bungees, and 50+ Other Ways to Find Humor, Hope, and Happiness After Your Partner Has Died. The book was released in February, 2024, just a few days before the sixth anniversary of Tim’s death.
Now it’s been a year since the publication of my book.
In the early stages of writing the manuscript, my editor, Marisa, commended my efforts and complimented my writing. But she also said, “You wrote that book for yourself. Now go back and revise. Write it for your readers.”
So, I got to work, writing it for people who need it.
The end result has been gratifying.
The book has won a little bit of recognition --- a Finalist designation in the National Indie Excellence Awards. It’s also gotten some good reviews.
But the best feedback is when I’ve gotten texts or emails from WWPDs who said, “Thank you for your book. It helped me get through.”
And my favorite: I heard from one woman who said, “Your book actually made me laugh a little bit!”
A little bit of laughter --- that’s exactly what I hoped for. I wanted the reader who has experienced such great loss to laugh (or at the very least, smile) in spite of everything. Because that’s the power of humor. It won’t take away your new reality. But it can help you get used to it, and make your life “after” that fateful date a little more manageable. It can certainly make you feel better, even if only for a moment or two.
And that was my “February 16 New Year resolution” --- To give myself a good moment or two every day.
