What is a WWPD?
I despise the word “widow.” Actually, before I became one, I never really thought about it much. But now I avoid the word whenever possible.
Perhaps my reaction is a bit extreme. But let’s face it. Say the word to yourself. What mental image appears? An old woman? Someone to be pitied? Someone sad and lonely?
Chances are, it’s not a pretty picture.
Regardless of the image, the word “widow” is associated with someone who has no identity other than the one created when her partner died. Thus, every use of it—in conversation, on forms that must be filled out, in books or articles, and even in social settings when being introduced—makes me cringe. Other women I know who have lost their partners to death also don’t like the connotation of widowhood. Perhaps it’s because being called a widow reminds us, in an instant, of something awful we don’t want to be reminded of—that death came in and stole happiness, a way of life, and plans for a future. As if that isn’t enough, becoming a widow changes the perception that others have of us. Stacey Feintuch said it beautifully in her blog in 2017: “It's as if what happened to you is what everyone else is afraid of, so they just stare and pray they won't become you one day.”
In my book, Grab Life by the Bungees and 50+ Other Ways to Find Humor, Hope, and Happiness After Your Partner Has Died, I explain how I decided to stop calling myself a widow and became a WWPD—a “woman whose partner died.” It was quite important to me to maintain dignity and take on my new (albeit unexpected and unwanted) role in life with power and control. I wanted to be the one in charge of my life—not some expectation placed on me by society’s definition of “widowhood.”
I prefer to be just a plain, ordinary, somewhat normal woman who happens to have experienced the death of my partner. I’d like to shed the old, pitiful widow image, thank you very much.
If you feel the same way, you might find my book helpful. When reading Chapter 1 of my book, called “So Now You’re a WWPD—How to Make Peace with a New Identity,” you’ll learn about how the ugly “w” word (widow) affects us and changes us, and how to gain independence from the unwanted effects of the word. You’ll learn the story of how this acronym came to be, how its use helped me, and how it can help you reshape your thoughts about yourself.
Because, in the end, the thoughts we have about ourselves are the ones that matter most.
So, hello, WWPD, and thank you for being here. No matter who your “P” was to you—your person, your partner, your playmate, or anyone you loved and lost—you can, indeed, grab life by the bungees, gain control of the pain that comes with grief, and enjoy the ride that life brings.
Reference
Feintuch, S. (2017, May 25.) “10 things I wish someone had told me about becoming a widow.” Today.com. Retrieved from https://www.today.com/series/things-i-wish-i-knew/10-things-i-wish-i-knew-becoming-widow-t111974.
